This is what a full life looks like
Lately, I’ve been spending most of my very limited free time painting. Walls. Ceilings. Skirting boards.
Our cottage is almost a hundred years old. The walls are uneven. The corners don't quite meet. Every time I paint one thing, I notice three more things that need renovating.
A few years ago, I think I would have found this deeply frustrating. I would have wanted crisp edges and perfect finishes. I would have stood back and noticed every flaw. I would have exhausted myself trying to make the house look as though it had been decorated by someone with unlimited time and unlimited energy (and no small children!).
Instead, I find myself looking at the brush marks and the slightly wobbly edges with surprising tenderness.
Because this is what painting done by a woman who is seven months pregnant looks like.
This is what painting done during nap times looks like.
This is what painting done by someone with a full life looks like.
And perhaps one of the most liberating things I have learned over the years is align my expectations with my capacity.
For so long, I expected myself to produce professional results with limited resources, to work as though I never needed rest, to mother as though I had endless support, to move through life as though I were unaffected by tiredness, grief, uncertainty or change.
No wonder I felt constantly behind.
No wonder relaxation felt impossible.
Because perfectionism teaches us that reality is never enough. That we are never enough. That there is always a better version of us we should be becoming. A tidier house. A calmer nervous system. A more organised week. A more productive day. A better self.
But lately, I have been wondering whether a huge part of healing is simply allowing our expectations to come home to reality – to stop expecting ourselves to live as though we have capacities we do not have, to stop demanding perfection from our humanness, to let things be good enough.
This is one of the things we explore inside Becoming The Relaxed Woman:
How to soften the inner voice telling you that who you are, what you've done and what you have to offer is not enough.
How to step out of patterns of perfectionism, proving and ruthless striving.
How to show your nervous system that it’s safe to make mistakes, to be imperfect, to be human.
How to relax amidst the beautiful unfinishedness of life.
You can join us here: