What would a relaxed woman do?
"What would a relaxed woman do?"
A few years ago, I began asking myself this question. And I still ask it now, usually in the middle of ordinary moments like when my toddler has just gone down for a nap and I have a long list of things to do but I also feel really tired or when I fancy a cupcake even though I had one earlier that day or when I have friends coming over and the house is messy from a morning of baking and crafts with my little one.
At first, I imagined a relaxed woman as someone who was always calm, someone who moved slowly and spoke softly and never got overwhelmed or lost their temper.
But overtime, I realised I’d misunderstood relaxation.
A relaxed woman isn’t always the calmest woman in the room. Sometimes she is the woman laughing loudly at the dinner table. Sometimes she’s the woman slathering butter on freshly baked bread. Sometimes she’s the woman crying openly instead of pretending she’s fine. Sometimes she’s the woman saying no. Sometimes she’s the woman leaving the dishes until tomorrow. Sometimes she’s the woman who asks for help instead of carrying everything alone.
The more I’ve explored the nervous system, the more I’ve discovered that relaxation is a family of experiences our nervous system can move through once it feels safe.
I began noticing four broad ways relaxation arises in our lives.
Sometimes relaxation is quiet. It is sitting with a cup of tea after everyone has gone to bed, walking without rushing, gazing out the window and watching the leaves dance in the breeze.
Sometimes relaxation is liberating. It’s saying ‘no’ to a request you’d usually say ‘yes’ to, speaking up for yourself in conversations instead of agreeing to please, expressing your emotions instead of hiding them. It’s restorative, energising, alive.
Sometimes relaxation is loving. It’s allowing yourself to be cared for, accepting help instead of doing it alone, letting yourself be held.
And sometimes relaxation is open. It’s being instead of doing. It’s releasing the need to plan, prove and perform. It’s wandering without a destination, letting yourself daydream, feeling safe simply being.
Perhaps this week, when you find yourself rushing, pleasing, striving or criticising yourself, you might pause and ask yourself,
What would a relaxed woman do?
Becoming The Relaxed Woman began with questions like this.
What would a relaxed woman do?
What would happen if I stopped rushing?
What would happen if I trusted myself?
What would happen if I rested now instead of waiting until everything was done?
Over time, those questions became a course. A place for women who are tired, a place to explore the patterns that keep us feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, a place to nurture a more relaxed way of living.
You can explore Becoming The Relaxed Woman here.