The words my nervous system has been longing to hear
Lately, I've been noticing how the words I say to my toddler are the ones my nervous system has been longing to hear too.
Take your time. There's no rush.
Never mind. Accidents happen.
It's okay to cry.
You’re safe. I’m here.
At first, I thought these words of comfort simply soothed my nervous system but now I realise that they go deeper than that. Because every one of these sentences gently breaks a rule many of us have spent our lives following.
Always hurry.
Always get it right.
Always stay strong.
Always keep going.
Never need too much.
Never be too emotional.
Never rest until everything is finished.
I don't remember anyone explicitly teaching me these rules and yet I was following them for decades.
Perhaps you have been too.
Over time, these rules became so familiar that we stop seeing them as rules – unwritten instructions about how we should behave and who we should be – and simply see them as truths.
But mothering my little one has made me question them. Because when he spills his drink, I don’t criticise him. I remind him that accidents happen. When he’s tired, I don’t tell him to push through. I suggest we rest. When he cries, I don’t tell him to pull himself together. I cuddle him and let his tears flow.
And learning to offer ourselves this same kindness is a large part of healing. Because this is how we break the rules that have been exhausting us – the rules that say we must earn rest, that our needs are a burden, that our worth depends on how much we achieve and how much we sacrifice.
Inside Becoming The Relaxed Woman, we spend time exploring these invisible rules and the patterns they create in our lives. Because sometimes healing begins with the simple realisation,
I don't have to follow the rules anymore.
Little by little, we learn to question the rules that tell us to keep going, stay strong, earn rest, never need too much. We practise going against them in small, gentle ways – resting before everything is finished, asking for help, letting ourselves be imperfect.
Over time, your nervous systems begin to learn that you can be fully yourself – messy, emotional, unfinished, human – and still be safe, still be loved, still be worthy.
If you would like to explore Becoming The Relaxed Woman, you can do so here.