The Relaxed Woman Formula

The journey to becoming a relaxed woman will look different for each of us.  

It’s uncharted territory. 

There are no directions. 

There is no map. 

And yet, over the last few months, I’ve realised there are three elements that are essential to the journey. 

A kind of formula that can guide us. 

Safety + Openness + Loving action

Feeling safe is at the heart of this journey. It’s only when we feel that we can rest and relax. Unless we feel safe, our stress responses remain switched on and our minds and bodies can’t recover or restore. This means feeling safe in our bodies, our relationships, our workplaces and our communities.  

Feeling safe is about more than intellectually knowing we’re safe. Our nervous systems need to sense the signals of safety that are around us. And, because a stressed brain is a hypervigilant brain, feeling safe often requires us to retrain our brains to more accurately perceive cues of safety. 

Feeling safe may also require us to take loving action so that our external world feels safer, such as leaving a relationship that doesn’t feel emotionally safe or looking for a new job that will offer us the financial safety we need. 

Openness means becoming open to the possibility that the negative beliefs we carry about our unworthiness and imperfections may be wrong. 

It means understanding the impact of our childhood and cultural conditioning, exploring our shadows and transforming our beliefs from life-limiting to life-enhancing. 

It means being open to feedback so we can become more aware of our blind spots.  

It means rewriting the stories we’ve been telling ourselves about our past and what’s possible in our future.  

Loving action is just that: Action that is rooted in love rather than driven by fear. 

These loving actions may involve those smaller daily and weekly habits and behaviours. Starting your day with a nourishing breakfast. Getting up from your desk every two hours. Speaking to yourself with compassion. Going for a walk on your lunch break. Limiting the amount of time you spend on your phone. Meeting up with the people that matter to you instead of texting them. 

And these loving actions may also involve those bigger life choices. Leaving a relationship or a job that feels imprisoning. Starting a business. Writing a book. Being willing to speak up, to challenge the status quo, to rock the boat. Walking away from individual, ego goals because they aren’t in line with what truly matters to your soul. 

I hope this formula can ground you and guide you as you travel this relaxed woman journey with me.